Working through grief

Working through grief

Time heals all wounds, but does it?​

By C.J. Appleby
Originally published on Appleby Ink.

Trauma can become manageable over time, but not all trauma disappears. 

Grief – whether it is criminal victimisation, bereavement, relationship breakdown, health quarantine, a significant injury or condition – is sometimes longer lasting than others would believe. 

A feeling of despair doesn’t implode like a dying star. It doesn’t disappear over a good night’s sleep. Sometimes it can be a slowly fading ache in the pit of the stomach that sickens a little less with each passing moment.

Trauma has no set form and no known cure. A method used throughout the ages of time is working through grief. Literally. It manifests itself differently depending on the individual but usually it involves education, employment, personal projects, hobbies or housework. 

For example, a teacher may start working longer hours on campus or taking more books home to mark or business people may stay after closing to crunch extra numbers. 

This is the keep busy tactic. It’s a popular one. 
There are other things that must be incorporated to the keep busy tactic to keep healthy. If not, there’s a risk of burn out. 

It leads to potential sleeplessness, anxiety, appetite changes, weight loss/gain, hair loss and other stress-related side-effects. 

To avoid that, stay balanced and read these top tips for managing grief as you work through it in a productive manner. Emotions will haunt us unless face head on.

Common symptoms of grief 

Shock
it can be hard to accept what has happened

Sadness 
feelings of emptiness, yearning or loneliness

Fear
feeling helpless or anxious, having panic attacks, the loss of a loved one can remind us of our mortality

Guilt
regretting the things you said/didn’t say or did/didn’t do

Anger
resenting yourself, doctors, God, or the person who has died for leaving you. Blaming other people or yourself for the injustice

Physical problems
lowered immunity, weight loss or gain, insomnia, nausea

Don't Give Up

Grief, loss, heartbreak and bereavement all lead to some type of mourning. Pain cannot be avoided forever. As much as we may not want to feel the despair, anguih and suffering caused by the lack of presence of a person we love deeply, there is no other way to come to terms with it. It must be known we cannot fester in those feelings. Feel them, truly feel them, without seeing only pain.

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